Monday, February 14, 2011

gettin' a little happy messing around taking pics of myself while skateboarding

Everyday I wake up sad. About all sorts of things. About nothing. It's just the way I am. But everyday I make a point of finding at least one reason to smile. The reason can be silly, beautiful, funny or comforting. It doesn't really matter what the reason is, as long as I smile. Because as long as I can find a reason to smile, I know that day isn't going to be that bad.

The thing that hurts me the most about being sad, is everyone that cares about me wants to help. But they can't. As much as I try to mask it, I know I can't really hide my true sadness. Every time I see them notice, I can see them hurting...because of me

So everyday...

I wake up sad


I find a reason to smile


I try to be happy...

I swear, I really am trying to be happy


  1. "He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."

  2. This post is so much of the things I feel all the time....beautiful.

  3. @ miss Marlowe - thanks gorgeous, you're amazing!

    @ A Redhaired Designer - my post or V. Marlowe's comment?
    I hope you always have a reason to is such a beautiful smile!
    Thanks for commenting :)