Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It ain't No Choice...

My suede creepers...I heart them!

It's weird for me to hear...

...Why would you chose to be like that? (transgender)

Well that's the thing...I didn't!

It seems it doesn't matter how I tell some people, they just don't seem to understand. That's okay though. They aren't in my shoes, and for a large majority of people, they aren't trying to be hurtful.

So I've decided to make a list of just 3 of the things that challenge me in my life. And hopefully this will illustrate why no one would continue to live as a woman full time if it was just a bit of fun or curiosity or confusion or whatever other reason people believe I'm pretending or choosing.
  • .I used to be a kinda good looking guy, not the greatest looking, but not bad. This is kind of trivial really. It doesn't really matter in the big picture, and I actually hate looking like him. But there are some people that tell me I dress and act as a girl just to get attention from people or so I can get laid. Back then people were attracted to me for more than just what was in between my legs. Now people don't seem to be attracted to me at all, just my junk. In my opinion I'm quite an ugly woman (I look like a dude), but for me - being an ugly, ill proportioned, lumpy, woman is indescribably better than being an
  • .Whenever I leave the privacy of my house I'm almost immediately mocked. People don't care. They stare, they laugh and they say the most nasty things. It doesn't sound like much but it breaks my heart some days. Some people are very aggressive and others use a more passive approach to mock me. It might be as simple as someone making a point of calling me "Sir" or "Mr" even though I'm wearing a dress and I've told them my name is Sophie. It might be as obviously hurtful as someone stopping me in the street and yelling out "You're a fucking MAN...fucking FREAK". And it's not just loud mouthed yobbos (bogans / white trash / redneck) either, it's from all types of people you might come across, even people from the larger queer community. I've even been publicly outed and mocked by the police when I approached them after someone tried to attack me.
  • .Being physically attacked has become just another part of my daily life. From memory,  as a transgender person I'm about 60% to 80% more likely to be murdered than a Cis-gendered person in any situation. From my experience, I truly believe it's only a matter of time before one of these people succeeds in raping and killing me. On average I'm violently attacked at least once a month sometimes with the intention of sexual assault. Usually by a lone, intoxicated man. Usually within 5 minutes of where I live. Sometimes with people just watching. Once with a group of people laughing at me. For now, I'm happy to say I've been lucky and I've been able to get away without much injury (maybe a bruise and a few scratches)
There isn't a person in this world that would chose to live like this. But there are a lot of people that don't have a choice. We can't go on pretending and living our lives in our "genetic gender" so we do what we can to live our lives as ourselves, in our true gender.


  1. I get so sad and enraged reading this--it's completely unacceptable that people treat you this way, and though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised I'm shocked that it's as bad as it is...I'm especially nonplussed by reactions from the queer community, and how often it escalates to violence. No one should have to fear for their lives every time they leave their house just because they're transgendered. People not understanding is one thing, but people treating you so violently and malevolently to compensate for their own (obvious, to me) insecurities is mind-boggling to me. The onlookers are perhaps the worst of all--people like that should be locked up, Seinfeld-style. If anyone can be called a freak in these situations, I think we know who to point fingers at.

    Is there a way to report police officers for discrimination? Or do they usually get away with that crap? There damn well ought to be, especially when it prevents them from protecting the public, which is their one and only job.

    I love your blog. Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully in time things will get better.

    P.S. I think you're pretty, no matter what you say.