Friday, August 27, 2010

I'm a harsh friend...

Throughout my life, just like most people, I've called a few people friend. I'm probably not the best friend a person could have, but I don't think I'm the worst friend either.

One thing I take seriously as a friend is trust. And I try my best to be there for my friends when they need me. If it's because they stubbed their toe, I'm not going to drop everything and drive over to kiss it better...after all, most of my friend are older than 3. But if someone I call a friend really needs me, whether it's to listen and let them cry on my shoulder or to do something for them or whatever. I'll do what I can to be there for them.

Some people make excuses for hurting people. They say their life is crap or they do bad things because they are from a certain neighbourhood, or whatever other weak excuse. But it doesn't matter where you're from or what you've been through, you, always, have a choice. So when I get fed nothing but bullcrap from people I call friend and they continuously treat me like I'm crap. I'll cut them out of my life until they are willing to try. I still make sure I keep an eye open and check up on them from time to time, directly or otherwise. But I won't stand in their path.

Some people have the strength to be dragged through hell with the people they love, for as long as it takes. I'm just not one of them.

This seems quite harsh to some people, and I understand where they are coming from. But, I've been beaten up, robbed, framed, blamed, and all round mistreated by friends, countless times. So I've learned, they can't be helped unless they want to be helped. And I make sure my friends know that they can run out of chances with me. If they treat me badly, it's their choice to have me turn my back on them.

When I first started to turn my back on friends, I wondered if I was maybe doing the absolute worst thing. Until one day, I got a call from one of them. I have to admit, at first I thought they were just going to try and get money off me so they could go buy more 'stuff', but just in case, I answered anyway. He said hello and went silent for maybe 60 seconds, I knew he was still there and for some reason I just waited silently, then he said he was sorry. I'd heard it before, but there was something different this time, I believed him.

He, slowly, asked me to come and help him. I went to pick him up before he even told me where he was. He was smacked out, so I had to carry him out of the condemned house he was in. It wasn't the first time I'd dragged a friend out of there and other places like it. My friends families or boy/girlfriends had called me to help them before, but it was the first time a friend had called and asked me to do it for themselves. Usually I would take them to the emergency room or call an ambulance. But this time my friend handed me a pamphlet with his girlfriends phone number and the address to a clinic. I met his girlfriend there and we signed him, and his friend, into a 'rapid detox' clinic that day. A week later, after his girlfriend and I nursed and guarded them through the worst of it, he thanked me.

So now, whenever I feel like I'm letting a friend down because I've walked away; I think of that day....I think of my friend that has been clean for over 6 years now...I think of his kids that have their dad


  1. You know, I'm trying to do exactly what you do. I'm a "fixer". I always feel like I need or can fix people but as I go through experiences, I am finally realizing that I can't fix anything but my own issues/problems. I admire you for being so strong. I think it's awesome.

  2. awww, thanks Heather, you're a doll...
    It's hard to leave people you care about to their own destructive ways. But (sometimes) you just have to. ESPECIALLY if it's taking you away from you!
    Even though I've done it before, I usually have trouble letting people go.
    I just remind myself - I can't be everything for everyone...and...I have to look after myself before anyone else!