I'm a harsh friend...

Throughout my life, just like most people, I've called a few people friend. I'm probably not the best friend a person could have, but I don't think I'm the worst friend either.

One thing I take seriously as a friend is trust. And I try my best to be there for my friends when they need me. If it's because they stubbed their toe, I'm not going to drop everything and drive over to kiss it better...after all, most of my friend are older than 3. But if someone I call a friend really needs me, whether it's to listen and let them cry on my shoulder or to do something for them or whatever. I'll do what I can to be there for them.

Some people make excuses for hurting people. They say their life is crap or they do bad things because they are from a certain neighbourhood, or whatever other weak excuse. But it doesn't matter where you're from or what you've been through, you, always, have a choice. So when I get fed nothing but bullcrap from people I call friend and they continuously treat me like I'm crap. I'll cut them out of my life until they are willing to try. I still make sure I keep an eye open and check up on them from time to time, directly or otherwise. But I won't stand in their path.

Some people have the strength to be dragged through hell with the people they love, for as long as it takes. I'm just not one of them.

This seems quite harsh to some people, and I understand where they are coming from. But, I've been beaten up, robbed, framed, blamed, and all round mistreated by friends, countless times. So I've learned, they can't be helped unless they want to be helped. And I make sure my friends know that they can run out of chances with me. If they treat me badly, it's their choice to have me turn my back on them.

When I first started to turn my back on friends, I wondered if I was maybe doing the absolute worst thing. Until one day, I got a call from one of them. I have to admit, at first I thought they were just going to try and get money off me so they could go buy more 'stuff', but just in case, I answered anyway. He said hello and went silent for maybe 60 seconds, I knew he was still there and for some reason I just waited silently, then he said he was sorry. I'd heard it before, but there was something different this time, I believed him.

He, slowly, asked me to come and help him. I went to pick him up before he even told me where he was. He was smacked out, so I had to carry him out of the condemned house he was in. It wasn't the first time I'd dragged a friend out of there and other places like it. My friends families or boy/girlfriends had called me to help them before, but it was the first time a friend had called and asked me to do it for themselves. Usually I would take them to the emergency room or call an ambulance. But this time my friend handed me a pamphlet with his girlfriends phone number and the address to a clinic. I met his girlfriend there and we signed him, and his friend, into a 'rapid detox' clinic that day. A week later, after his girlfriend and I nursed and guarded them through the worst of it, he thanked me.

So now, whenever I feel like I'm letting a friend down because I've walked away; I think of that day....I think of my friend that has been clean for over 6 years now...I think of his kids that have their dad

Have You Ever Fallen In Love With Someone...

There was a whole lot'a lusting going on!

Some people say things like - I fell in love with them because of their smile - or - I love them because of the way their eyes light up when they laugh...I do think you can love things about a person. But I don't think there is any single thing that makes anyone fall in love with a person.


There are A LOT of people out there with beautiful smiles or mesmerising eyes. But we don't fall in love with all of these people. We might love that part of them but it doesn't mean we love them. We might not even like them. So how can we say something like - I love them, because of the way they smile for the sake of smiling...


In my humble...
been IN love once, in lust a billion and one times, mistaken lust for love twice
...opinion. It's because that might be something that you love about them and it helps remind you of your love for them.


Speaking of lust. That is definitely a confusing little emotion that tags along with, romantic, love. And it's a big factor in the fun of being in love. It's what makes your heart beat a million times faster than a humming birds. It's the thing that makes you want to ravage your new, or matured, love. It's one of the differences between, loving someone and, being IN love with someone.


The reason this can be confusing is...we don't have to be in love with someone to be in lust with them. And I think that can catch people off guard sometimes, making them believe they're in love. I think you can be in lust over someone's smile, or their eyes, or the way they squint their eyes and smile when they laugh. But I don't think you can love someone because of any single characteristic.


When you fall in love with a person you don't, just, love their smile, or their legs or their sense of humour. You fall in love with them. You fall in love with their strengths and weaknesses...their quirks and flaws...you fall in love with, who they are!

The poster catches different levels of relationship I think

Equality...???...!!!

About 15000 people marched for the right to be married throughout Australia today.

After a slightly delayed start to my day I finally made it to the rally. With about 10 minutes before the march started. I missed out on the speakers and a performance but I made it in the end (better than nothing?).

I was feeling proud, of myself and everyone else that made it out today.

But after uploading some pictures on FB a good friend of mine told me his girlfriend was bullied because she's straight. There was no reason anyone should harass this girl. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. And she doesn't have any hate for the LGBTQI community, at all. I mean, she accepted me as I am without skipping a beat. Which is more than I can say for some of the 'gays' I know, who freaked out just as much as some of the 'heteros'  I know, if not more.

So now I'm not feeling 100% proud of my fellow queers. I'm still proud and I will still make it to the next rally for gay marriage. But I'm gonna be on the lookout for any 'straight bashing'. Because no one deserves to be discriminated against, even if they aren't a minority.

So anyhoosles...

Here's some of those pictures I mentioned

Some of the rallying peeps

Sure, there was a few homophobes 

But there was some straight, gay marriage supporters too

What do we want???

Lesbi-bride throwing her bouquet

Watching the last words...and...

...this

The night I ended UP Under A Car

this is not related to the post at all!

I was indirectly reminded of this earlier and decided to share the story:

I was out with some friends one night. I had a long-board with me and we were all "bombing" a hill. It wasn't the biggest or steepest hill around but we didn't intend on doing anything very reckless so we stuck with this one. It didn't really enter our minds at the time, but this was a fairly high traffic road where all the rev-heads (gear heads) would drive up and down being cool and such and it was one of the busiest nights for these guys to show off their cars and stupidity skills. 

Which is probably why we were out there.

After a while I decided to get down the hill as fast as possible. About half way down I decided to take a break and lay down and pretend the skateboard was a luge. No big deal, I'd done it a million times. But what I didn't expect was one of these rev-heads deciding to pull out in front of me in his Ute (pickup truck).

Needless to say I freaked the fluff out as I disappeared under the back of his Ute. Luckily this was a work Ute and not the usual low and lean beasts that ran down that road. So I didn't crash into him and I managed to grab hold of it's tow bar so I didn't move further underneath. A friend of mine that was skating down at the same time told the guy to, slowly, stop so I could get out. Surprisingly I walked away without a scratch.

I'm not sure if it was me or everyone else that was more freaked out. But, I didn't skate another hill for a week after that! (yeah, no brains)

Commuting

When you have a regular commute you usually end up seeing the same people, day to day, week to week. Even though you will probably never speak or know anything more about them than their commuting habits, these people can become, Travel Buddies, of sorts.

You may wonder from time to time; should I say hi? Could we be best friends? But you probably never do, so you'll never find out if your silent, stranger of a travel buddy is in fact your best friend.

This is why we have mp3 players, and, if you're a little old school, books. So we don't sit on the train, bored, while awkwardly trying not to stare at your travel buddies. And if you do get stuck without a distraction or a reason not to notice your fellow commuters and then simultaneously 'not look' at each other. You may accidentally let out a hello.

This can be okay and you may be able to recover your oblivious co-existence.

Unless

You accidentally, half intentionally, become confident that you may enjoy a conversation with a 'Travel Buddy'.

I'm not saying this will definitely be a complete and utter disaster, akin to stepping on doggydoo and then slipping and falling onto your behind. But, it probably will be.

Usually one of two things will happen. Either the other person responds, and they turn out to be an annoying douche. That for some reason, thinks your best friends. So you try to convince them that you need to make an important phone call to get out of the conversation.
OR
That person awkwardly tries to make themselves believe they didn't notice you by pulling out their phone and making an important call. And thats when you realize...YOU, are the annoying douche that everybody else is trying to avoid by bringing an mp3 player or a book on the train.

What About Me! (Warning: this is just an angry rant)

Why is it the only place I can be alone is in public?

I take all my friendships very seriously and I hate being a bad friend.

There are a few friends of mine that always seem to come to me for advice or even just a shoulder to cry on. There's nothing wrong with that and I actually feel quite honored that they would come to me at all. It does make me feel good that I can be there for them. And I do have rather large shoulders, that are pretty darn good for crying on. Even if I do say so myself.

The problem is, most of these friends don't seem to care if I have a problem. I'm not saying they have to be my shoulder because I was theirs. What I'm saying is, sometimes I'm dealing with my own stuff and I'm probably not the best person for you, at that particular time. The worst part of that is people get PISSED if for some reason I can't be there for them at that exact point in time.

Some of them don't get bothered at all. They'll come over and say "I need you to..." and I try to be a good friend and put my junk to the side for a moment while I explain to them that I'm dealing with my own stuff.
BUT
they usually reply with "oh...so, (some trivial problem and a bunch of tears)"

Just tonight a, drunkin' bogan (Aussie red neck), girl I went to school with from about grade 5 came to my door.  And asked if it was okay to "...hang out. I'm lonely and drunk" I told her "It's not a good idea. I'm in a really crappy mood and I need to be by myself at the moment" to which she replied "but I'm lonely and I've got more drinks I'll just come in and we'll do whatever...can you do my makeup?"

Anyway she's still here sitting on my couch trying to get my attention to tell me about the pixies that are running around my house. So I better go...yeah, I can be a bitch!

Cancer Causes...

This reminded me of how special yet tiring kids are...

So I've been growing my hair for the past 12 months now, because I want to donate my hair to Wigs For Kids or Beautiful Lengths. To be honest I'm not really sure how I decided this, there isn't really much history of any cancer in my family and I have never been very close to anyone that has suffered with cancer. But my hair is in pretty good condition and it grows really friggen quick. So why not!

And, on a slightly selfish note, it does make me feel happier when I'm a little blue. Thinking, a little girl (I think hair is more important for a little girl), that has been dealt some pretty awful cards in her relatively new life, might find a small amount of comfort or even a slight reason to smile even for a second because I'm donating my hair.

Even though I have a ~really amazing, non style~ going on right now. I'm finding it really hard to stick at it and resist the temptation to have it cut lately. But I think I can handle it for another six months. That way I'll have more than the minimum length required and I could keep a couple of inches on my head.

Although, I've been thinking lately. Maybe I should milk this for everything I can and try to raise donations for a cancer charity and shave my head completely. It would mean looking VERY man like for a few months longer than otherwise. Which is actually pretty scary for me, but it is for a good cause...

I can't decide

What do you think. Should I keep a little for myself. Or stop being selfish and start organizing my fundraising efforts?